Break My Heart for what Breaks Yours

“For Christ’s love compels us…”

I returned home a week ago from a short term mission trip and yet I suspect there may be a part of me that will forever remain in Haiti. It is the portion of my heart that watched as children traced the veins on my hands, touched my skin and ran their fingers through my hair, intrigued by my paleness and the texture of my hair which differed so greatly from their own.  It is the part of my heart that melted when a small child crawled up in my lap and immediately fell fast asleep while fifty other children noisily played around us . I was amazed at how we were able to communicate despite a language barrier.  A song being sung, even if in a foreign language was an opportunity to hum along and dance and a game of “Duck, Duck, Goose” was an opportunity to laugh and be silly for children of any age.  I discovered that a  smile translates into any language and the love of Christ knows no bounds.

As I have returned home to electricity that is always available, and usually taken for granted, I am reminded of taking a cold shower in the dark because the 4 hours of power that was allotted daily had been used up. As I pull my nice chilled drink out of the fridge I can’t help but think of the ice box (an old unplugged chest freezer that had a block of ice in it to keep a few things cool) that was considered a  such a blessing to those of us who used it. So many times this week I have felt blindsided by the discrepancy between the two very different realities I have experienced this past two weeks. There are so many things that I have taken for granted that are viewed as luxuries by my brothers and sisters in Haiti.This has made me feel both blessed and ashamed. Blessed that I have been given the privilege to live in a place where  these things are available and ashamed that I have taken it for granted so often. Lord, please give me a heart of gratitude for Your many gifts.

I saw children so excited to receive school supplies and books they were jumping up and down. I saw people grateful to receive a bag of beans and rice to feed their family for another day. I saw little girls proudly holding up the sundress they had just received and little boys showing off their new flip flops. I was blown away by the joy and the tenacity the Haitian people exhibited. There were smiles and laughter and singing in the midst of daily struggling to put food on the table and to provide a place to live for their families.

As I witnessed the things I am sharing  I felt my heart shatter and I knew I would never be the same. While there were things my body didn’t want to ever experience again, my heart can not wait to return. I long to go back and tell them that God has a plan for them. Jeremiah 29:11  That He loves them and has made provision for them. 1 Timothy 6:17 I want to tell them that God can make a way where there seems to be no way Isaiah 43:19 and that He has a purpose for each of them.  Romans 8:30 I want to hug and kiss and encourage each one.I want to hold their hand and walk along side them. I want my heart to be broken for the things that break His. I want to be His hands and feet in a world that is desperate need of Him.

I am not sure how this will all play out, but I am determined to prepare and to be ready to answer when He calls me to go wherever He directs. I pray that one day He will lead me back to Haiti but I also want to be aware of the many needs right here. Lord, please use me. Make me a vessel to pour out your love each and every day.

– Cindi Beauman